First, starting in early (way-too-early) August, school cranked back up, which meant I went back to work. This year, that meant back to kicking off our amped-up breakfast program and to preparing my assistant manager to...drumroll, please...take my place. As of January, I have moved into a more educational role, and I am loving it, but I was definitely feeling in between roles there for several months.
And then there is this. Sometime between July and now (February 5, to be exact) I slipped over from my forties into my fifties. Now, mind you, I don't have a lot of angst about this. Being fifty kind of feels like, I don't know, a relief. Like it gives me permission to, as Ousier Boudreaux said, "wear a funny hat and ugly clothes and grow vegetables in the dirt" ...Not that I haven't always done those things. But anyway, 49 felt like being "on the cusp" of something, a feeling I distinctly do not like. Now, finally fifty, I can grab my funny hat and AARP card and run (being careful not to fall and break a hip) happily into the last quarter. (Actually, since I plan to live until about 90 and die peacefully while napping in the sun in my garden, I am still a few years away from the last quarter, but I am no good with fractions.)
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| Shirley Maclaine as Ousier Boudreaux in "Steel Magnolias". I think she is about 55 in this photo. I remember when I saw the movie, I did think she was old. Ha! |
But the ultimate in being "in between" is this: we put Pleasant Places on the market back in late September. The market being what it is, this is more of a "well, let's just see what happens" move. If it sells, we will move to a down-sized property more centrally located...and I will be fine with that. The reality is that it does get harder to keep up the acreage and work full time, and we spend a lot of money in gas and vehicle wear and tear just driving to work every day. If the house doesn't sell in a year, we will pull up the sign, fold up our fleece as it were, and start figuring out how to make the property less maintenance intensive...and I will be fine with that.
But in the meantime, I am in between...did I mention I dislike being in between? I am not a cusp-dweller, at least not a comfortable one. It is as if someone hit the "pause" button. Yes, I will plant a garden and I may even raise some chickens for the freezer, but nothing long term. I have to put off raising the turkeys I had planned because they take too long. I can't plant any more fruit trees because I don't want to invest in something I may have to leave. I really should find a home for the five remaining goats, just in case. No new fencing. No big remodeling projects. Just pause. For now.
