Betwixt and Between

Wow, it's been a long time since my last post.  Seven months.  But I have some pretty good excuses--no, really, I do.

First, starting in early (way-too-early) August, school cranked back up, which meant I went back to work.  This year, that meant back to kicking off our amped-up breakfast program and to preparing my assistant manager to...drumroll, please...take my place.  As of January, I have moved into a more educational role, and I am loving it, but I was definitely feeling in between roles there for several months.

And then there is this.  Sometime between July and now (February 5, to be exact) I slipped over from my forties into my fifties.  Now, mind you, I don't have a lot of angst about this.  Being fifty kind of feels like, I don't know, a relief.   Like it gives me permission to, as Ousier Boudreaux said, "wear a funny hat and  ugly clothes and grow vegetables in the dirt" ...Not that I haven't always done those things.  But anyway, 49 felt like being "on the cusp" of something, a feeling I distinctly do not like.  Now, finally fifty, I can grab my funny hat and AARP card and run (being careful not to fall and break a hip) happily into the last quarter. (Actually, since I plan to live until about 90 and die peacefully while napping in the sun in my garden, I am still a few years away from the last quarter, but I am no good with fractions.)

Shirley Maclaine as Ousier Boudreaux in "Steel Magnolias".  I think she is about 55 in this photo.
I remember when I saw the movie, I did think she was old. Ha!

But the ultimate in being "in between" is this:  we put Pleasant Places on the market back in late September. The market being what it is,  this is more of a "well, let's just see what happens" move.  If it sells, we will move to a down-sized property more centrally located...and I will be fine with that.   The reality is that it does get harder to keep up the acreage and work full time, and we spend a lot of money in gas and vehicle wear and tear just driving to work every day.   If  the house doesn't sell in a year, we will pull up the sign, fold up our fleece as it were, and start figuring out how to make the property less maintenance intensive...and I will be fine with that.

But in the meantime, I am in between...did I mention I dislike being in between?  I am not a cusp-dweller, at least not a comfortable one.   It is as if someone hit the "pause" button.  Yes, I will plant a garden and I may even raise some chickens for the freezer, but nothing long term.  I have to put off  raising the turkeys I had planned because they take too long.  I can't plant any more fruit trees because I don't want to invest in something I may have to leave. I really should find a home for the five remaining goats, just in case.  No new fencing. No big remodeling projects.  Just pause.  For now.